You can't handle the truth!

There are 475 replies to my post about how Scotland is not a country. I provided INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF that Scotland doesn't even exist anymore, and you drooling, uneducated proles DARE to disagree with me??? DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SAY I HAVE A DEGREE? A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti!

You want more evidence? FINE! Go ahead, make my day!
The Encyclopedia Britannica says Scotland is "the northernmost country in the United Kingdom" which is just plain wrong. This is really the CONCISE encyclopedia. That sentence used to read, "The northernmost so-not-a-fucking-country in the United Kingdom" but the sentence was CUT DOWN to be CONCISE. I personally know that Britannica is not reliable. How do I know that? Because it disagrees with me. Also, it's published in CHICAGO! Slam dunk!PROVED!

Dictionaries that say something other than what I say are also unreliable. Why, you ask? Because once there was a mistake in one. A MISTAKE. That means none of the definitions are correct. Noam Chomsky farted near me once in an elevator, which makes me an EXPERT in linguistics as well. PROVED!

Someone DARED post a link to another PolySyfy "expert" with better credentials than I have who seems to think "country" means something other than what I say it means, but there was a typo on one of his other pages! FAIL! I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse! PROVED!

I am an EXPERT!! DO YOU HEAR ME?? AN EXPERRRRT!!!! I am the fucking Walrus! I was just being polite! I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore! You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am! You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Made it, Ma! Top of the world!

All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up...


  1. Prescott01:28

    Don't go playing that degree card with me, pal. I have an Associate's degree in General Business from one of the most prestigious community colleges in New Jersey, so I am not overawed by your academic credentials.

    As for Scotland, I've given the matter some thought and I tend to agree with you. It is a non-country. I also think that Wales should be considered a non-country. There is not one single thing that I can think of that one associates with Wales, with the possible exception of singers, but then singers are the proverbial dime a dozen and anyway who cares where they come from. And Wales is really weird because almost everybody is named Davis, Davies or Evans. Either they're seriously inbred, or they have a distinct lack of imagination when it comes to surnames.

  2. Prescott01:32

    BTW, Mr. Thresh, you're not related to the Threshes of Marcus Hook, PA by any chance are you?

  3. Hello Prescott,

    People with Degrees advanced as mine know that Wales was named after Jimbo Wales, founder of Wikipedia. He used all that fundraising money to buy it. That's why Wales is described as a country in Wikipedia.

    The Marcus Hook Threshes are distant cousins, We don't like to talk about them. They are successful in business, they don't have Degrees, it doesn't count.

    I am from the more prestigious Bird-in-Hand Threshes.

  4. Prescott10:42

    Dear Pilchard,

    I am not by nature a suspicious person, but nevertheless I rather strongly suspect that you, as the expression has it, are making this shit up as you go along. I could find no evidence or documentation of any sort to support your claim that any man of the name of Jimbo Wales, or any sort or kind of Wales, established Wikipedia. The only Jimbo Wales my research uncovered was one James "Jimbo" Wales, the youngest son of the outlaw Josie Wales. James "Jimbo" Wales played shortstop for the New Madrid Madrigals of the old American Association for five seasons during the period 1887-1892. Please stick to the facts, Mr. Thresh, and resist the temptation to embellish them or manufacture them out of whole or even partial cloth. They are usually strange enough for anyone's taste without any additions.



  5. Prescott10:54

    P.S. The Threshes of Marcus Hook that I am acquanted with made their money in the performing arts, working as jugglers and sword swallowers in circus sideshows. They had nothing to do with business, and would have considered any connection with trade as beneath their dignity. I strongly suspect your claim to a connection with this family is also fraudulent.

  6. My dear Prescott,

    "Evidence" and "documentation" are crutches for the weak-minded, and no substitute for True Knowledge. It hardly matters, since any reference work that disagrees with me is wrong, anyway. The Jimbo Wales you are referring to was the inspiration for the film "Yojimbo" and was honored for his lifetime batting average of .127 with a plaque in Bohner's Lake, Wisconsin, but alas, it was melted down for ammunition during the Civil War.

    I am familiar with the Threshes you speak of. They are not true Threshes. Their true name was corrupted at Ellis Island when they immigrated from Lower Minge during the Great English Tea famine.

    It's tragic that I have to humiliate you in this way on one of the world's mots popular blogs, however, heavy is the price of disagreeing with a Lettered Man.


  7. Prescott19:47

    My dear Pilchard,

    You are a bounder and a cad, a fraud and a mountebank. Even worse, I find you boring. I have decided to suspend debate with you for the present. I am going to repair to my club and drink straight gin in a martini glass. I find that olives take up too much space and tend to dilute the gin.

    My advice to you, sir, is to mend your ways, clean up your act, apply your nose to the grindstone, and make something out of yourself above and beyond a pathetic blogger lurking in the sewers of the internet.



  8. Blasphemy! Such is the calumny one must endure as an intellectual giant. Though well-spoken, my dear Prescott, it is obvious to my wise eye that you are jealous as a barbary pigeon.

    Your choice of beverage reveals your true character. Only a savage sips undiluted gin in a martini glass during the daylight hours. A true sophisticate knows to hide it in his water glass. You have been exposed as the poseur you are, good sir!

    Though it should be obvious to all, I have posted absolute proof of my superiority.

    Good day to you, sir!

  9. Anonymous13:09

    r u that guy quiz master c***???

  10. Nice try, Anonymous Cowhand. I know exactly who you are. From your degree of literacy, you must be the QM himself! Proved! [4,000 words of mockery deleted]

  11. Anonymous13:46

    "It should not be simply assumed that a person with a degree is an expert."


This is the place to praise me! Make sure to capitalize all pronouns which refer to me, like people do for Jesus. I've earned it. I'm entitled, dammit.