Country Means Country, Asshole

In one of my world-class clever quizzes, I asked for a list of countries west of Germany. Some idiot wrote down "Scotland." Even though most people are pathetically stupid compared to me, what kind of nimrod doesn't know that "country" means only one thing: country. Country means what I say it means and nothing else. Some Brit tried to tell me I am...get this...wrong. I know exactly what I am talking about, because I have a Degree in Political Science. Quizzo in a shithole bar is exactly where a Degree like mine comes in handy.

Here is why Scotland is not a country:

• No one speaks English.
• They can't tell the difference between "soccer" and "football."
• They drink warm beer.
• They wear man-skirts.
• Trainspotting.

In fact, Scotland isn't even there anymore. The United States of Kingdoms call itself a "country made of countries," but who are they to decide? They're not even American! Have your heard how they talk? They can't spell properly and use the wrong words for things. We only allow them to call their bastard language "English" so they'll buy Big Macs and Starbucks coffee. Anyone who is educated like me knows this.

I won't be getting comments for long. As soon as you proles begin to annoy me I plan to heavily censor all comments. It's my right as a man of letters. And the hate mail begins.....now!